Comedian Jerry Lewis Thinks American Idol Is Super-Sized Garbage

Well,Simon Cowellcertainly wouldn’t have found this funny.

ComedianJerry Lewistook to the stage during the Television Critics Association press tour and, instead of dishing about his Encore special The Method to the Madness of Jerry Lewis, he spent his time dissingAmerican Idol.

So what’s Jerry’s connection betweenRyan Seacrestand the Hamburglar?

Jennifer Lopezand American Idol: Where’s the New Contract?

They’re both nasty by-products of McDonald’s!

“The kids who are onAmerican Idol, they’re all McDonald’s wipeouts,” Jerry bitched. “They’ve all been dumped. They’ve worked there and now they’re doing that. And of course they all play a guitar, which takes the place of music.”

And theIdoljuggernaut isn’t the only reality franchise taking fire from Lewis. Jerryalso snipedatThe Biggest Loser, saying:

“Proctor & Gamble says, ‘Are you nuts? You want me to spend $1.6 million for that variety show when I can get the fat lady to lose weight for $62,000. Let’s go with that one. We’ll call it reality,’ And that’s what they’ve done…Who cares?”

Uh, only like millions of viewers who tune in to each series weekly. But that’s beside the point to Lewis.

“The industry has destroyed itself,” Jerry ranted, later explaining: “We don’t have the soul in our industry that we had when I was working. And the soul has been desperately deteriorated, only because you got a guy that’s running a network whose aunt died and left him some stock.”

But the fact that he isn’t a fan of the reality TV craze doesn’t mean Jerry is totally giving up on the boob tube.

“I love the industry,” he gushed. “I don’t allow people in my family to use the term ‘TV’ around the house. It’stelevision. It’s a miracle…. When I watch it, I want it to grab me. I want it to be like I ran home and I made sure to be there beforeLaw & Orderwent on.”

But the question is, did he meanLaw & Order: SVUorCriminal Intent? Or maybeTrial By Jury?

Oh well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree. We still love our reality TV—sorry, Jerry, we meanreality television.

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Emma Stone Happy To Leave Superhero Duty To Hottie Costar

Here’s what we know about the mucho-hyped spidey reboot titled (duh) The Amazing Spider-ManAndrew Garfield plays the webbed wonder himself, Rhys Ifans  plays über-evil Lizard, and Emma Stone plays the only normal one in the bunch.

But what if Miss Stone was the one slinging spider webs—or flying faster than a speeding bullet or wielding an American flag-themed shield? At the Comic-Con press conference held for the flick, we asked our fave up-and-commer which superheroine franchise she’d like to lead.

Read on to hear what she’s got to say about her superself andher hottie Brit costar:

RELATED: New Spider-Man Trailer Officially Released Day After Leak—Is It Amazing or Not?

Oh boy. I don’t know if I could be a superhero, to be honest with you,” Emma responded to our Q. “I mean, I’d love to say, ‘Yes, there’s 12 I can name,’ but I don’t know if I’m your girl if you’re looking for a superhero.”

C’mon, Em—what happened to super powered girl power?

Oh well, we’ll forgive her because she is absolutely adorable when it comes to chatting about her costar-turned-rumored BF. Like when one reporter asked her why she’d signed on to the gig.

“Uh, sorry… I’m a little embarrassed here,” Emma blushed before revealing, “For me, it was Andrew.”

Aww–too precious! But the love-fest doesn’t stop there.

Emma continues: “It was Andrew, because my character experiences everything with Peter. It’s her first love and they experience so much together… With him it made sense. Once I read with him and once I met him, it just made sense.”

Alright, now it’s time for a collective: awwww.

“Sorry buddy,” Emma joked, turning to Garf. ‘Tho, we’re pretty sure these two have no problem palling around together. Just peep this LOL-worthy exchange that went down when they oh-so-giddy twosome were asked about the first time they saw each other:

Emma: “I walked in and he was in the full Spider-Man suit–”

Andrew: “—Scratching my ass.”

Emma: “Scratching his ass—which is great, just to break that out. I went in and I needed to stand next to him and I think I really inappropriately just started touching you. He’s like ‘Stop touching me!’ And I said, ‘You have to realize that everyone is in the room with Spider-Man. This isn’t just about you.'”

Andrew: “Actually, it had nothing to do with me.”

Emma: “It had nothing to do with you. At all.”

As for when Andrew saw Emma?

Andrew: “She was also wearing a Spider-Man costume.”

Emma: “Isn’t that funny? Isn’t that weird? It’s such a small world!”

Andrew: “And I didn’t want to go anywhere near her. Because I was like, ‘I thought I was Spider-man.’ I felt threatened. No, but Emma’s natural hair color is blonde but I had never seen her as a blonde. And that was interesting, I guess. It suits you, I think, and so does the red.”

Which makes it official: After witnessing their too cute banter and boat-loads of chemistry, not only are we willing to dish out some dough to see Spider-Man opening night, but we’re dubbing these two one of our fave celeb couples.

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What’s Better Than Twilight?

Kate Beckinsalelikes her black latex just fine, thank you very much.

“I don’t mind being the grandmammy of vampires, actually,” she said today at theUnderworld: Awakeningpanel at Comic-Con, when asked if it bothered her that she doesn’t glitter, like someothervampires on the big screen these days.

“I don’t mind being the mature one with no glitter or a shiny bottom,” Beckinsale laughed. “Cruise along on that one.”

We would have, but we were already stuck on what she said earlier in an obvious reference to theTwilight Saga

HubbyLen Wiseman, who directed Beckinsale in the first two films and has served as a producer on all of them, had just been asked how he came up with the lycan vs. vampire drama that propels the series—by a fan, who, incidentally, first thanked him for making a series that “putsTwilight to shame.”

“Back in the days when it was a new idea to have vampires and werewolves in the same movie?” Beckinsale cracked. “Imagine that.”

Coincidentally, the lovely Brit (who, FYI, looked super smashing today in a black belted minidress) has a daughter withMichael Sheen, who plays Volturi leader Aro.

But, back toUnderworld: The 3D sneak peek we saw today, including a challenging fight scene in which Beckinsale’s Selene slits multiple throats while sliding on her knee down a hallway, was the only footage that made us duck. Meaning, directing duoMåns MårlindandBjörn Stein , who were also on the panel along withMichael Ealy, did a bang-up job on the technical front.

Wiseman also confirmed that there are “lots of lycans” in the film and that Selene has an “unknown daughter.”

“I was given a piece of paper in the car that said I couldn’t say anything,” Beckinsale joked.

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Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey Tie the Knot!

Nick LacheyandVanessa Minnillo are officially husband and wife.

The longtime couple wed Friday evening in a small tropical island ceremony, in front of 35 guests, E! News has confirmed.

And it was a location that was a surprise to family and friends…

MORE:Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo Throw Boozy Joint Wedding Shower

“Nobody knew where they were going,” MinnillotoldPeople, which first reported the nuptials.

“Our wedding invitations were in the form of a plane ticket,” Lachey added. “We told them they were going away and the attire was ‘island chic.’ It was all very vague.”

While details of the couple’s nuptials are still being kept under wraps (even the exact location wasn’t revealed), we do know the 30-year-old former MTV VJ wore a two-piece Monique Lhuillier ensemble down the aisle, while her hubby donned a Dolce & Gabbana suit.

Lachey and Minnillo, whobecame engagedlast November, have been dating since 2006.

If you weren’t one of the lucky handful of guests on hand, don’t fret. The newlyweds’ wedding will be the subject of a TLC special on July 30.

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Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony: Anatomy of a Split

onsider us taken to the floor.

While asplitin Hollywood (and other glamorous environs) never really qualifies as a cause for shock,Jennifer Lopezand her husband of seven years, Marc Anthony, appeared very much in love since the day she andBen Affleckbroke up.

Um, anyway…

Both acting and singing double threats with a shared Puerto Rican background, J.Lo and Marc seemed to be the perfect couple on the red carpet and off, their body language always affectionate and their outfits never clashing. They costarred inEl Cantantetogether and collaborated on numerous musical projects, even announcing that they were expecting twins while onstage in Miami.

But today, the announcement wasn’t a happy one, so we’re taking a look back at how they got from A to Over:

GALLERY: Fashion Spotlight on Jennifer Lopez

January 2004: Affleck and Lopez admit that the Bennifer days are over, months after postponing what was going to be their September 2004 wedding day.

June 1, 2004:Anthony finalizes his divorce from former Miss UniverseDayanara Torres Delgado, the mother of his sonsCristianandRyan. The “You Sang to Me” singer also has a daughter,Ariana, from a previous relationship.

June 5, 2004:The twice-divorced Lopez dons Vera Wang and quietly ties the knot with Anthony at her home in Beverly Hills, aerial paparazzi angling for shots through a thick layer of foliage and other privacy-preserving obstacles. The over-the-moon newlyweds honeymoon at San Ysidro Ranch, near Santa Barbara. 

Sept. 22, 2004:“Both people have to really want to be there, you know, and they both have to make that choice,” Lopez tells Chicago’s ABC 7 News. “And it’s a compromise, and it’s how you treat each other when you’re hurt. I think that’s the most important thing.”

April 2006:Lopez’s yet-to-end legal battle against ex-husband No. 1 Ojani Noa’s determination to cash in on their brief marriage, first with a tell-all book and then a so-called comedy about him coming to America (coupled with a little J.Lo sexy time),begins.

Nov. 7, 2007:Lopez and Anthonyreveal that they’re going to be parentsin front of 10,000 fans at Miami’s American Airlines Arena, the final stop on their joint tour.

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More Harry Potter Pics Than You Can Shake a Wand At!

Are you ready for the end? No? Neither are we. It’s bittersweet to think that this beloved franchise is wrapping up in less than one week.

We’ve been through so much with theHarry Pottercast. We’ve seen them overcome seemingly insurmountable odds and grow up right before our eyes!

Before you head to theaters next week, get a sneak peek at some of the action in ourHarry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2: Flick Pics gallery. All your favorites are there—Daniel Radcliffe,Rupert GrintandEmma Watson—along with glimpses of supporting wizards and witches we’ve come to know and love. Plus, you’ll be able to catch a few looks at the cast and crew behind the scenes. Really, you couldn’t ask for more.

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Twilight vs. Harry Potter: Team Rosalie or Team Draco?

OurTwi-Pottertournament continues, withdaily duelsbetween the two smash-hit franchises. So who has the best not-so-evil villains,Harry Potter orTwlight?

It’s the battle of the reluctant baddies:

Rosalie Hale: The Cullen’s adopted daughter is beautiful and used to men wanting her. When Edward doesn’t show any interest in her yet falls in love with a mere human, Rosalie’s hostile side comes out. She is consistently mean to Bella and doesn’t want to help the family save her. Later we find out about how her past has made her this way and we get a look at how Rosalie (Nikki Reed) isn’tallthat bad.

Draco Malfoy: Harry’s Hogwarts nemesis doesn’t try to hide how evil he is. Between constantly calling Hermione a mudblood, picking on Harry and trying tokill Dumbledore, Draco (Tom Felton) is determined to prove he’s as bad as is father, Lucious. Despite all the terrible things he does, we get glimpses of how Draco isn’t so much bad, though, as he is just trying to make his Death Eater daddy proud.

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‘Louie’ Recap: Bummer/ Blueberries

 My father still can’t believe that I list an FX series about a struggling, divorced, 40-something comedian as one of my favorite shows. Louie’s depressed, he explores issues that don’t really exist in my realm after my mere 20-something years on this earth. I could see how it’s strange that I enjoy it so much, but then when you add to the fact that this is Louis C.K. we’re talking about, not just some dumb schmuck, it starts to make a little more sense. Last night’s Louie was the perfect example of why my dad furrows his brow when I tell him he should give the show a shotand a perfect example of why I make sure to set aside time every Thursday night to watch it. 

The show’s two halves explore oddly similar sides of the sexual spectrum: the woman who wants to go on a non-date with Louie simply because “he could be somebody someday” and it could somehow benefit her and the woman who needs sex a la carte – no really A LA CARTE, no frills or any sense of decent human interaction can be found here. Both sides are painted with callousness and are swathed with the idea that sex and dating are simply a means to an end, nothing else. 

“You could get shot in the chest by a gun guy.” -Louie
“Bummer,” the first of Louie’s encounters – of course prefaced with a brilliantly self-loathing standup bit about how he grosses himself out when he has sex with someone – is with a young, beautiful actress who he met in some sort of “professional sense.” As she gets dressed with someone we can assume is her boyfriend or manfriend or random, attractive sexual partner, Louie makes the most awkward, bumbling, unsure phone call asking her out. For the completely practical, hard-hearted reason that it might, someday help her career, she agrees to go on a non-date with Louie. Of course, Louie is just hoping that on some off chance she’ll be kind enough to maybe, possibly have sex with him after their non-date. (Hey, folks. There’s a reason he uses carefully chosen standup bits to punctuate these little vignettes, alright?)

Of course, before he can get to his non-date, the unthinkable happens in a very understated, old New York, Louieway. Strolling on his way to meet his lady friend, a bum runs at Louie who ducks, allowing the old guy to careen into traffic where a garbage truck not only crushes him – it beheads him. And what happens next is one of the reasons this show is so brilliant. After this ridiculously dark encounter, Louie continues on to his date, contemplating the fragility of life the whole way. He could go home, but the wafer-thin chance his non-date could turn into an actual date is enough to keep him from cancelling and instead, he spews his dark, newfound understanding of life to the beautiful woman. 

At first, she’s impressed, intrigued, and perhaps even enticed by his brutal honesty. After he gives a hilarious and extremely Louis C.K. style monologue about how we live like we’re invincible, but tomorrow we could be shot by “a gun guy” the unthinkable happens: the beautiful woman kisses him, relishing in his refreshing honesty. All it took was a bum’s severed head rolling down the street to get him there. Of course, as soon as she hears that he still came out for a date after witnessing that, she realizes all of his “honesty” is a bunch of pretentious bullshit and that in the end, he’s still a dude hoping to get laid. Rough day, dude. 

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Ashton Kutcher vs. Village Voice

Let the loud typing begin!

A Twitter war has broken out betweenAshton Kutcherand weekly newspaperVillage Voice.

The two went at it after theVoicepublished an article on Wednesday that questioned the child-prostitution statistics the actor offered in his “Real Men Don’t Buy Girls” anti-sex-trafficking campaign.

And it all went downhill from there…

MORE: Do Ashton and Demi “Dumb Down” Campaign Against Child Sex Slavery With Humorous PSAs?

The 33-year-old started thetweet battle by revisiting a lawsuit publication is involved in.

“hey @villagevoice hows the lawsuit from the 15 year old victim who alleges you helped enslave them going?”

No response.

“speaking of data, maybe you can help me… How much $ did your ‘escorts’ in you classifieds on backpage make last year?”

No response.

“speaking of Data… How many of your girls selling themselves in your classifieds are you doing age verification on?” and “Find another way to justify that YOUR property facilitates the sale of HUMAN BEINGS.”

Still nothing.

“I’m just getting started!!!!!!!! BTW I only PLAYED stupid on TV.” Getting no response from the publication, he wrote, “Oh I forgot U work business hrs. Maybe that’s Y you sell girls on ur platform. they tend 2work the night shift.” In another tweet, he stressed, “REAL MEN DON’T BUY GIRLS and REAL NEWS PUBLICATIONS DON’T SELL THEM.”

Wait a second, a response!

Today the newspaper decidedto replyto Kutcher’s tweets with, “Wow, @aplusk having a Twitter meltdown! Hey Ashton, which part this story is inaccurate?… we’ll bite. Tell us the hard facts you have collected. We’ll fact-check for you.”

This time, Ashton was the one staying quiet.

So, they took another hit.

“Where’s your fight now, @aplusk? Did you sleep in, or are you just tuckered out from last night’s Twitter tirade?”

Ashton then tweeted, “My perspective on human trafficking Data written June 23..”, with a link toan article he wrote and theVoicecontinued the war with, “Don’t spout phony statistics which are then used to justify millions in spending for ‘awareness.’ Victims need beds and counseling.”

Kutcher then started tweeting fact after fact concerning human trafficking, and last time we checked, theVoicematched each tweet with a rebuttal.

Is it getting hot in here or that just us?!

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What Does Jennifer Aniston’s First Tattoo Say?

Jennifer Aniston‘s brand-new ink wasn’t inspired by herbad-boy boyfriendafter all.

Instead, her very first tattoo is a tribute to theotherlove of her life, the 42-year-old actress confirmed to E! News.

So whose name is permanently etched on the inside of her right foot?

Norman.

That’s the moniker of Aniston’s beloved dog, whodied this springat the age of 15.

“Norman” is also the answer she tearfully gaveInside the Actors StudiohostJames Liptonwhen he asked “What is your favorite word?”—one of his trademark questions—during the show’s taping Thursday. Aw.

The Corgi-terrier mix was the actress’s constant companion, accompanying her on set and evenTV interviews.

Now Norman will always be part of her.

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